Joking Around in Gotham
by batman-defeats-all
Summary: Artemis visits Gotham to stay with the famous businessman Bruce Wayne and his ward Dick Grayson. Little does he know, though, that the two have a secret. One that could possibly put him in danger during his stay in the dark city.
1. Chapter 1

**Well, this is a story that already has the first... six chapters written. They are actually posted on another site... They'll be up soon.**

It was a quiet night in Gotham City. For once, it seemed none of the city's infamous villains were planning any sort of attack for that evening.

This left the equally infamous Batman a night to handle business.

So Batman, otherwise known as Bruce Wayne, had plenty of time to plan a visit from the son of the owner of a worldwide famous enterprise. And there was quite a lot of planning to do.

"What- his bodyguard? Does a sixteen-year-old _really_ need a bodyguard, Mrs. Fowl? … Well, yes, Gotham does have quite a few criminals… Well, yes, a few of them are quite dangerous…. Butler? Oh, that is his bodyguard's name… Fine, he can bring Butler! Is that all? …_He likes caviar?"_

This conversation was said over the phone, and Bruce was talking to an obviously over-protective mother, by the name of Angeline Fowl. She was calling to make sure everything was ready for her son, Artemis Fowl II. Most of the things she was worried about were silly, motherly things, but near the end of the conversation Bruce found out something a bit more important.

"You have a son around Arty's age, don't you?" Mrs. Fowl suddenly asked.

"… Yes, I have an adopted son, Richard. Why do you ask?"

"I just want you to make sure he doesn't bother Arty. Most people his age just… don't understand Artemis. He is, literally, a genius. He has trouble fitting in… well, anywhere. I've tried therapists, but they all quit after dealing with Arty. I'm afraid he'll get hurt in your city because of his intelligence."

Bruce now knew why Mrs. Fowl was so worried about her son. And why a sixteen-year-old would need a bodyguard.

After finishing the conversation with Mrs. Fowl, Bruce left his office, and headed towards the room of his adopted son, and sidekick, Dick Grayson, otherwise known as Robin.

Bruce knocked on the door, and the Boy Wonder quickly answered.

"What is it, Bruce?"

"It's about the boy who is going to be staying with us. I was just on the phone with his mother. She said he is a genius. If any of Gotham's villains find out, if they don't know already, Artemis Fowl would be in great danger."

Dick looked thoughtful for a moment, and then spoke.

"Well, he's staying here at Wayne Manor, so we will be able to keep an eye on him then. And when he's not in the manor, I can tail him as Robin."

"Good thinking, Dick."

Just then, Bruce could see the Bat-signal flashing in the sky through Dick's window.

"To the Batcave, Robin."

Meanwhile, plans for the same visit were being made, but on the other side of the world, in Ireland, more specifically Fowl Manor.

While Angeline was going into worried-mother mode, Artemis was attempting to pack. He was actually rather excited to be staying with Bruce Wayne, mostly because it would be an amazing opportunity to learn from a business master other than his father. Or himself.

Oddly enough though, his mother was going into hysterics. Apparently, Gotham was a crime central, and Angeline did not take this information well.

It got ten times worse when she researched the town's villains.

"Arty, there is this man who calls himself Two-Face, and he used to be a politician, but he had an accident and now has a multiple-personality disorder, and is almost always evil! And this man called the Joker… Oh, Arty, are you sure you want to go?"

Artemis sighed once again. He had suggested doing more research on the criminals, thinking they couldn't be as bad as they sounded. Unfortunately, they were much worse.

"Mother, I'll have Butler with me. And, if you're really that worried, I'll have my fairy communicator with me. If I have any problems, I'll call Holly."

Angeline still looked worried at first, but a few seconds later she looked much calmer.

"You're right, Arty. I'm worrying too much…"

Artemis started to gently guide her out of the room.

"It is an understandable mistake, Mother. But, I need to pack now, because I am hoping to leave on the jet at 7:30. I need to get ready for my trip."

As soon as the door closed behind Angeline, Artemis went straight back to packing.  
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<p>

While Artemis Fowl packed, and Batman and Robin protected Gotham, evil was afoot in the dark corners of the same city that was so fiercely protected.

At first glance, the situation was quite innocent. It looked just like a man reading Gotham's newspaper.

This stopped looking quite as innocent when the newspaper was lowered, and the man looked… some would say different, though most would say absolutely terrifying.

His face was pure white, while his lips were blood red. His hair was a horrible shade of green, and his face was set with a ghastly smile.

This man was the Joker.

Standing across from the Joker was one of his idiotic and easily manipulated goons, who the psychotic man had sent to go get the newspaper. The large man stood in front of his wicked employer, waiting to be dismissed.

"Ah, such excitement in the news," the Joker said, flipping through the pages. "Let's see… 'Gotham Knights Win Match', hmm, bet that was an interesting game, 'Batman and Boy Wonder Put Penguin Behind Bars', great, more about the winged rat and his pet bird, 'Wealthy Prodigy Visits Gotham', well, that's just- wait."

The Joker quickly stopped himself from turning the page, and started reading the article.

"Artemis Fowl II, young genius and heir to the Fowl fortune, is coming all the way from Fowl Manor in Ireland to stay a week in Gotham City. He will be living with our own billionaire, Bruce Wayne, for his stay."

The Joker looked up from the article, his eyes glittering evilly, and face still in that horrible grin.

"A little genius is coming to town? If I snatch him, he will be perfect bait for the flying rat and his bat brat. Then I'll snap my trap, and down falls the bat, with the robin tumbling after," the Joker said, giggling hysterically.

Looking up, the Joker noticed his goon was still standing there.

"Well, don't just stand there; go get ready for a kidnapping!"

The large man ran off, leaving the Joker alone in his lair. Sighing contently, the villain leaned back in his chair.

"It is amazing what you can accomplish when you have a positive outlook on life."


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's the next chapter! Like the last one, I wrote it awhile ago... I actually like this one a bit more than the first chapter. My favorite ones are later on, though... Hehe...**

**Enjoy!**

The next day, at 7:30 AM exactly, the jet holding Artemis Fowl II and his bodyguard Butler left Fowl Manor and headed towards Gotham City. Ten hours later, the jet arrived at Gotham Airport.

Once the plane landed, Artemis and Butler were soon within the airport itself. Inside, they quickly found who was taking them to Wayne Manor, and Artemis found the two men in front of him very interesting.

The elder was what looked like an elderly British man, who was wearing a crisp black suit, and was holding a sign with Artemis' name on it. Next to him stood a young teenage boy, appearing a couple years younger than Artemis himself, with slick black hair, and pale blue eyes. He was wearing an equally pale blue polo shirt, and crisp blue jeans.

When Artemis walked up to the men, the teenager started talking instantly.

"Hello, are you Artemis Fowl?" the boy continued talking as soon as Artemis nodded his head. "I'm Dick Grayson, and this is Alfred."

The man revealed himself to definitely be British when he spoke with a strong accent.

"Good day, Master Fowl."

"We're taking you to Wayne Manor, since Bruce had a last-minute meeting, so he couldn't be here. I'm his son."

Dick said this all very clearly, and said the last sentence as an afterthought.

Artemis was about to say something to the boy in front of him when Butler swiftly walked past him to commence a weapons check on Dick and Alfred. While the old British butler was compliant, Dick looked a bit annoyed. The moment quickly passed, though, and minutes later Alfred was driving an expensive limo with Butler sitting next to him, and Artemis and Dick were sitting next to each other in the back seat.

This would be normal if both boys weren't intelligent sons of rich men. This was very interesting situation because of these facts.

"Is it true that Gotham has a lot of crime?"

"Yeah, but we're protected."

Dick's answer, sounding so sure, puzzled Artemis.

"Protected? By who?"

Dick, who was looking out the car window, turned back to Artemis.

"We're protected by Batman and Robin. They protect the city."

Artemis had not heard of any 'Batman' or 'Robin' in any of his research, and found Dick's total trust in these mysterious people slightly ridiculous.

"Who? Also, why are you so sure these people will protect you? Or even can?"

Dick looked very annoyed by Artemis' questions.

"Batman and Robin. Haven't you heard of them? They protect the city at night. They've brought down all of the villains at least once. The villains just keep escaping, though. So Batman and Robin are almost always working. There is hardly a night that you can't see the Batsignal in the sky."

"But _who_ are they?"

"No one knows. They keep their identities secret, and for good reason. If any of the town's criminals found out who they are, Batman and Robin would be doomed."

"…Okay. I can guess that Batman is an adult, but what about this Robin person?"

Dick suddenly looked a little more annoyed, if that was possible.

"Robin is a boy. He's around my age. But he's really talented. He's not called 'Boy Wonder' for nothing."

Artemis scooted away slightly from Dick, who was starting to look rather defensive for some reason.

"So… Robin is a sort of say, sidekick?"

"HE'S BATMAN'S PARTNER! NOT SIDEKICK!"

Just then, the car stopped in front of the impressive Wayne Manor. The door opened to reveal a worried Alfred.

"Master Dick, I heard yelling. Is anything wrong?"

Dick took a few deep breathes, then smiled.

"Nothing Alfred. Just having a discussion with Artemis. Let's get inside the manor. It's starting to get dark."

Dick quickly jumped out of the car, leaving a slightly confused Artemis behind. His head was full of questions.

Who were these Batman and Robin? Why did they protect Gotham? And, above all, why had Dick gotten so defensive when Artemis had called Robin a sidekick?

Artemis didn't know the answer to any of these questions. But he would soon.

Though Dick Grayson had said that Bruce Wayne had had a 'last minute meeting', in reality the meeting was not Bruce's, but Batman's.

This was how Batman found himself at Arkham Asylum, discussing the latest escape, and the person who escaped.

Unfortunately for the workers of the asylum, news of who escaped made the Bat very angry at them.

It was a no-brainer why he was upset, though. It _was_ the Joker that escaped.

And if that wasn't bad enough, the Dark Knight seemed to have a slight obsession with keeping the Clown Prince of Crime behind bars.

In other words, Batman was very, very unhappy.

Taking a deep breath, the masked man spoke.

"Okay…. What exactly happened?"

The workers started shuffling nervously, as if none of them wanted to explain the break-out. This was a bad sign. When one of the workers spoke, Batman prepared himself to feel his temper rise.

"Well….. He was sort.. laughing insanely, and it was really bothering the other patients… Some of them are very fragile… So I sent Ben to sedative him… But when Ben opened the door, the Joker rushed him, and knocked Ben unconscious…. And the Joker sort… ran out of the building…."

Batman started grinding his teeth.

"Where were the guards?"

"… It was lunch break."

The man talking to Batman smiled sheepishly at the hero, trying not to notice the very dark glare being sent his way.

A moment later, Batman's glare was moved to a petit woman when she started talking.

"Mr. Batman, we didn't mean to let him go. He was too powerful."

This did not help their cases at all, and everyone but the woman realized that right before the Dark Knight started yelling.

"You _DIDN'T MEAN TO?_ Do you realize how dangerous that sad excuse of a man is? He kills people when he's bored! He finds pain amusing! And you 'didn't mean' to let him go? I would hope not!"

After taking a few _very _deep breathes, Batman turned towards the door, his cape billowing behind him. When he got to his destination, the Dark Knight turned back to the workers and spoke.

"I'll be on the look-out for the Joker. He won't be free for long."

With that said, Batman left. Soon, the Batmobile could be seen driving away from the metal gates of the asylum.

Meanwhile, in one of the dark corners of Gotham, the Joker's grin grew. With a dark sparkle in his red eyes, the Clown Prince of Crime spoke softly, but it sounded deadly.

"Everything is ready. Look out, Batsy."

**Yep. There it is. This story's second chapter. Lety's see what reviews it has gotten!**

**Pichichala123: Really, I wrote that chapter awhile ago. I'm pretty sure my character representation gets better as it goes on. As for your question, I would never write a slash. Even more so with Artemis and Robin. The story just focuses more on them later on, so I decided to put them as the main characters.**

**Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**This chapter has some parts I don't like very much. But.. It is the start of a turning point in the theme of the story. It also explains why Robin is listed as one of the main characters.**

**Enjoy!**

Wayne Manor was very different from Fowl Manor. Artemis soon realized this when he entered the building, and was greeted with a brightly lit entrance hall, which was very different form the slightly dark Fowl entrance.

Another difference was soon obvious when Dick kicked his shoes off by the door, and started running up the stairs, only turning around to signal Artemis to follow him. Artemis walked after the boy, in a nearby closet. Artemis would never have just left his shoes on the floor, expecting someone else to pick them up.

Then the reason for this oddity hot Artemis. Dick was much more a normal teenager than Artemis ever could be. Dick was still rather different, but much more average than Artemis.

The boy genius followed Dick into a room on the second floor. The room was soon very obviously Dick's own.

A twin poster bed with red bedding was in the corner of the room, next to a nightstand with a matching red lamp. On one wall was bookshelf, filled to the brim with action novels, action movies, and rock CDs. On the far wall, there was a window with a view of the skyline of Gotham, and many posters. Looking at said posters, Artemis saw one for the Gotham Knights, the town's baseball team, a few rock band posters, and what looked like a collage of newspaper and magazine articles.

Looking closer at this collage, Artemis saw they were about a man dressed in black, and a boy in red, green, and yellow.

So this was Batman and Robin.

If the collage was any sign, Dick hero-worshipped these people. That would explain his annoyance at Artemis for the questioning of the skill of his heroes. And, Artemis realized when looking around the room again, the other boy's favorite seemed to be Robin. Along with the red bedding and lamp, the walls were a pale green, and the furniture was painted yellow.

So, the mystery of why Dick was defensive for Robin was solved.

Though, this answer seemed by far too simple. Dick's defense seemed that of more than just a fanboy. In fact, it seemed as if he knew this Robin. And not just that, but knew him well.

These thoughts were interrupted by the cutting sound of Dick's voice.

"Well, this is my room. Your room is next door," the younger boy than walked out of his bedroom, and opened the door to a room directly next to it.

When Artemis walked inside, he immediately noticed it was much less decorated and personalized than Dick's room. The walls were a light shade of brown, and the bed was made of a dark wood. In the corner was a matching desk. There was a black lamp in the corner, with light spewing into the room from it. There was also a window, currently covered by dark brown curtains.

"It's a bit dull, but Bruce likes to keep guest rooms neutral."

Artemis looked up, surprised, when Dick spoke. The younger boy was looking around the room critically, as if it was not colorful enough for him. Based off the boy's own room, it probably wasn't.

After dropping his suitcase off in the room, Artemis soon found himself following Dick back down the grand staircase. At the bottom of the stairs, Dick looked at a metal watch he was wearing, at the door, and back at the watch. A look of annoyance was etched on his face.

A moment later, the look melted off Dick's face as the door opened to reveal a full grown man in a suit. As Dick ran towards said man, Artemis took in his physical appearance, and soon recognized him.

The man was Bruce Wayne.

Later that night, Artemis was eating dinner at a small, yet very elegant dining table.

To his left Butler sat stiffly, not comfortable in the unfamiliar surroundings. To his right, Dick sat very relaxed, having some sort of conversation with Mr. Wayne.

Artemis himself was just, simply put, sitting there, wondering what exactly he should be doing. He had just decided to attempt to enter Dick and Mr. Wayne's conversation when Alfred came out of the kitchen, holding a tray with four covered plates. The platters were placed in front of the seated people, and the meal was revealed to be a steaming parmesan chicken dish.

As the men (and boys) started eating, a conversation was hesitantly started by Mr. Wayne.

"So… Artemis, how do you like Wayne Manor?"

"It's… pleasant. Though, it is quite different from Fowl Manor."

"How so?"

"Well, it has a brighter feel than Fowl Manor. Also, it is less old-fashioned. Also… I don't think there are any rooms as… colorful as Dick's room in Fowl Manor. Based off the colors, they appear to be that of that Robin boy. A fan I presume?"

Mr. Wayne gave Dick a look that yelled 'I told you so', and the boy looked a bit annoyed. His voice showed his annoyance when he spoke, by the end of the sentence sounding smug.

"Well, Robin is way cooler than Batman."

Mr. Wayne now looked annoyed.

"Well, _Robin_ would still be a normal kid if Batman hadn't trained him."

"Yeah, but he's almost as good a fighter, and still a teen!"

"Batman's been fighting longer."

"Robin's younger."

"Batman's cape billows."

"Robin's cape is fireproof."

"So is Batman's!"

"Robin rides a _motorcycle_!"

"Batman has the Batmobile."

"Robin's mask is cooler."

"But it is only a mask. Batman wears a cowl."

Artemis watched as back and forth, Dick and Mr. Wayne argued about which was better, Batman or Robin. From the way it started, it looked like this was a common subject.

"Batman has batarangs."

"Robin has birdarangs."

"… Mr. Wayne?"

The man instantly turned to Artemis.

"Call me Bruce."

"Okay… Bruce. What exactly are you doing?"

Bruce suddenly looked a bit flustered.

"Well, Dick and I have this ongoing… debate about which of our town's heroes are better. You just witnessed the newest debate."

"WHICH I WON!"

Bruce looked at Dick questioningly after this sudden outburst.

"Wait, how did you win?"

You didn't go against my last point. Therefore, I WON!"

Bruce looked down at his now-cold chicken sadly.

"Maybe you win _this time_, but I shall prevail next time, my son."

"Yeah right, Bruce. You always get distracted. This allows me to WIN!"

Bruce glared weakly at Dick, than gave up and continued eating his meal. Dick also ate, but he had a huge smile plastered on his face.

Artemis decided it was time for a subject change.

"So… what is it like in Gotham?"

This started a much more sane conversation about safety tips for Gotham. The main one was 'don't go out at night'.

After what sounded like a planned lecture from Bruce, Alfred came in, and tapped the man on the shoulder. Whispering something in Bruce's ear, Alfred looked rather tense.

Bruce suddenly stood up.

"Dick, we have to go. Artemis, we have some business to attend to. We'll see you in the morning."

With that, Bruce and Dick left the room without another word.

Only minutes later, Batman and Robin were leaving the Batcave. The Batsignal shining brightly above, the Batmobile raced through Gotham towards the Second Bank of Gotham.

When they arrived, they rushed inside o find the Joker holding a large bag of money, and about to leave through a side door. When he saw the Dynamic Duo, his grin only grew.

"Batsy! Bird Boy! How nice of you to come! Unfortunately, I have to leave. Catch me if you can, Bats!"

With that, the Joker ran off, cackling psychotically. Batman raced after him, Robin right behind.

After about ten minutes of chasing the Joker, the duo finally had him cornered in an alley.

Yet, the Joker didn't seem discouraged at all.

The reason he was not at all worried was revealed when he pulled a knife from his purple suit and slashed at the first thing he could reach. This happened to be Robin's face.

The Boy Wonder had not expected this, and cried out in pain when the knife cut through the skin of his cheek. His green gloves immediately went up to try to stop the blood gushing from his face, and the red liquid stained the colorful gloves.

"Robin!" the Dark Knight called out, stepping towards his partner. A moment later, he had to leave the injured boy to chase after the escaped Joker.

Unfortunately, the Clown Prince of Crime had such a head start that he soon lost Batman.

When Batman returned to the bleeding Robin, he helped the Boy Wonder back to the Batmobile. Defeat felt heavy in the air.

Later that night, in the Joker's lair, the man was holding the knife he had used mere hours before. It was still wet with Robin's deep red blood. The Joker looked at it critically, an annoyed look set in his red eyes. After a few moments, he set the knife down on the table, and sighed, annoyed.

"I slashed at Bird Boy, but all I managed to do was cut his cheek. If I had aimed jut a teensy bit lower, I could have killed the little brat!"

After a moment, his annoyed turned completely around, into a look of glee.

"Well, there will be plenty of time for that later! Anyway, I don't want the Boy Blunder to miss out on all the fun because of me! I would feel so guilty he didn't get to join the party! Also, Bats would never leave me alone if I killed his brat. I need a little privacy if I want to be able to set my little trap. Anyway, Bats is so close to Bird Boy! They should die together!"

A sudden look of inspiration dawned in the Joker's eyes.

"Wait… If the rich kid isn't enough… Maybe… Yes! If I manage to trap both little Arty and the Bat Brat, bats will definitely come to my little party! If not to save the little genius, than to save the Boy Blunder! I wouldn't be surprised if that kid was his son!"

Now completely content, the Joker laid back in his chair, giggling insanely, the noise echoing in the otherwise empty room.

**Have a very merry Christmas!**


	4. Chapter 4

**The reason why I have been updating so quickly is that the first 6 chapters are completely written, typed, everything. This story is also on another site that I have been a part of longer. After chapter 6, though... Well, updates will be much, much slower...**

**This chapter is one of my favorites. Defentally(sp?) a tie between this chapter and the next one for my favorite.**

**Enjoy!**

The next day started normally for Artemis. He got up at 7:00 am and got dressed in a casual black suit. By 7:20, he looked like his normal, formal self.

It was at 7:21 that rock music started blaring from Dick's room.

Artemis was surprised when the loud noise started, and rushed to the door. When he opened it, he saw a tired looking Bruce leaving what Artemis assumed was the man's room. The billionaire looked at the door to his son's room, rolled his eyes, and towards the door. He knocked, and soon the door opened to reveal a slightly flustered Dick.

The younger boy's black hair was ruffled, sticking out in many directions. He was wearing a ruffled black tee shirt and dark blue jeans. These, though, was not what Artemis noticed first.

What he noticed first was the stitching on Dick's cheek; the red color stuck out on the boy's pale skin.

"Dick, I know you love that music, but I don't appreciate the wake-up call. I would say the same about Artemis, but it looks like he is ready for a new day already. Get up this early often?"

Artemis was surprised to be driven from his thoughts by Bruce's question, and answered quickly after regaining sense.

"I prefer to be ready early. Though… I hate to pry, but what happened to Dick's face?"

Bruce looked a combination of sad and angry when he answered.

"There was an incident while we were out last night. We got in the way of a criminal, and that filth cut Dick's face."

The man's voice became rather dark at the end of his sentence, showing how truly angry he was about his son's injury. Dick just looked at the ground, with an expression that looked like shame.

This made no sense at all. The villains of Gotham were ruthless. Why would Dick feel shameful for getting in the way?

There was much about the younger boy that Artemis did not know. Normally this would not bother him too much, perhaps make him a bit irked, but this was… different. Something was… off about Dick. Like the boy was hiding something at every single moment. Every attempt Artemis tried to shake this feeling just made it stronger.

Artemis did not trust what these feelings told him, but they did manage to make him a bit distrustful of Dick, and, by extension, possibly even Bruce.

It was time to call a… friend. She would certainly be interested in this case.

And if she wasn't interested… At least Foaly would probably listen.

"Zippe dee do da! Zippe dee ay! My, oh my, what a wonderful day!"

The Joker was singing, which sounded horrible because, to put it bluntly, he was a horrible singer. He was putting the final touches to his plan on a piece of paper, and was singing while doing so. When he was about to sing the next line, a high-pitched female voice finished instead.

"Plenty of sunshine coming my way! Hello, Mr. J!"

The Joker looked up, surprised, to find a petite girl in a jester costume, white face paint, and a domino mask. His face then broke into a signature grin.

"Harley! Sweetheart, I thought you were still in Arkham!"

His caused the girl, known as Harley Quinn, to giggle.

"When I heard you got out, I had to spring myself too! I didn't want my puddin' to be lonely."

The Clown Prince of Crime grabbed Harley by her waist, and lifted her into the air.

"Well, Harley, that is so sweet! How'd you do it?"

"Well, Ivy got a house plant she found to help her break out, and she took me with her cause I was around. Security at Arkham is HORRIBLE. Not that I'm complaining, of course…."

The Joker put the small woman down, his grin still huge.

"Well, Harley, you're just in time to help with my best plan yet!"

Harley answered with a small squeal of joy, and started jumping up and down.

"Oh, what is it, Mr. J? What is it? I bet it's great!"

The Joker chuckled at Harley's antics.

"Oh, it's a good one alright, Harley. This one will finally bring Batsy to his knees!"

"Tell me, Puddin'. Tell me!"

"Well…. It involves the little genius in town and the Bat Brat."

"Little genius?"

"… Right. Forgot you've been in Arkham for so long. Well, a little genius named Artemis Fowl is staying with our town's very own Bruce Wayne!"

"Oh… Is this goin' where I think it is, Mr. J?"

"If you thinking of snatching little Fowl and Bird Boy as bait for the Bat, then yes it is."

Harley then threw herself into the Joker's arms.

"It's genius, Puddin'. Absolutely genius!"

"I know it is, Harley. Now that you're home, though, kidnapping the brats will be even easier!"

As the Joker started laughing insanely, Harley looked at him, eyes full of awe.

It is amazing what one will do for love.

Artemis waited for Holly to pick up the communicator. He knew something was up with Bruce Wayne. And he just knew that with Foaly's help he'd be able to find out what.

After a few torturous moments, he heard a voice on the other side.

"Artemis?"

"Holly, can you ask Foaly a few questions for me?"

"What about?"

"My current host. I'm visiting the American billionaire Bruce Wayne, and he and his son, Dick Grayson, just seem… off. Would you ask Foaly about their pasts?"

"Well, Foaly actually happens to be a bit of a Wayne fanboy, so convincing him shouldn't be too hard..."

Artemis was about to say goodbye when another thought struck him.

"Could you also ask him about a man who calls himself 'Batman' and a boy named 'Robin'?"

"Batman and Robin? I think I've heard of them. I'll ask Foaly. See you, Artemis."

With that, the connection was broken.

That night, the Batsignal was visible in the sky, as it so often was in the dark of night. Underneath that symbol, the Batmobile was racing through the roads of Gotham. Inside the vehicle, a conversation was going on between the two heroes of Gotham.

"So… What am I doing?"

"Master Fowl is visiting the Gotham Museum, and I would like you to trail him. The Joker is still loose, and I got a call from Arkham. Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy broke out as well. The Penguin is also currently loose, along with Two-Face and the Riddler. There are plenty of people who could harm Artemis, so you need to be there. Call me if you need help. And… Be careful, Robin."

"Don't worry, Batman. I'll be fine. What's the worst that could happen?"

With these parting words, Robin jumped out of the now open hatch on the top of the Batmobile, and soon disappeared in the shadows.

Facing forwards, Batman frowned deeply.

"The worst that could happen is very bad, Robin. Very, very bad."

Artemis had been studying an artifact at the Gotham Museum when his communicator started buzzing. Hoping no one would notice the ring on his finger was vibrating, he snuck into an empty room in the back of the museum. Answering the communicator, he spoke in a slightly hushed voice.

"Holly?"

"Artemis, I talked to Foaly. He was fine with helping, as I suspected, and he found a few… interesting things about your host."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Apparently, Wayne's parents were killed when he was around eight, and he was raised by his butler. Actually sounds sort of familiar…"

"My parents were not dead, Holly, and I was not raised by Butler. Now, what about Dick?"

"I was getting there! Well, rather similar to Wayne, Grayson's parents were killed in an 'accident', and he was adopted by Wayne. Here is the weird part: his parents were acrobats. Hey were doing a famous trick without a net when the wire broke, and they fell. How weird is that?"

"An absolute oddity, Holly. Did Foaly find anything on Batman and Robin?"

"A little bit. Apparently they are crime fighters. I'm guessing you already knew that, though. Foaly really can't find anything else, though. These two are good at hiding their identity. Really good."

"Foaly can't even find them? Very, very good, I'd say. Thanks Holly."

"Your welcome, Artemis. I'll call if Foaly finds anything else. Have fun with the weird orphans!"

Artemis, still slightly miffed about the lack of information, and Holly's last obnoxious comment, started walking out of the museum without much sense of direction. Therefore, he did not notice that Butler had lost track of him in the large crowd. When he opened the door to the cold outdoors, he was completely alone.

This made Robin, who was hiding in the shadows, rather nervous. Nervous enough, in fact, as to step out of his hiding place and into the light so he could talk to the boy genius about his bodyguard's absence.

Artemis alone, now with Robin, made the hidden _Joker_, though, very, very happy.

Things would be so much easier this way.

After Robin left the Batmobile, Batman went to the scene of the latest crime. The criminal was Harley Quinn, and she was stealing a priceless gem from a rich old woman near the border of Gotham.

After a few minutes of Batman chasing Harley across the roofs of Gotham buildings, the female villain turned around and spoke in her high-pitched voice.

"Hey, Bats, where's Bird Boy? You lose him?"

"He's off on another mission. Why do you care?"

"Well, Mr. J thinks you might lose the Boy Blunder soon, so I wanted to know if you have yet."

Harley's comment puzzled the Dark Knight for a moment, before a dark realization hit him.

He stepped forward, his voice deeper and full of barely contained anger.

"Where is Robin?"

Though she was slightly frightened by the Batman's now very dark mood, she still answered cheerfully, just like how Mr. J asked her too.

"My puddin' will take good care of your brat, and that Fowl kid, don't you worry Bats!"

As Batman lunged at Harley in anger, a helicopter flew in, and dropped a rope ladder for Harley to climb on to. She grabbed it quickly, and as the helicopter flew into the night sky, Harley's voice rang out a final message for the Dark Knight.

"Bye bye, Batsy!"

A boy in brightly colored clothing stepping out of the shadows surprised Artemis. After the moment of shock passed, Artemis recognized this boy as Robin.

How odd. This, of course, still made no sense. But, at least, he now knew who the boy was.

Sense came rushing into the situation when the Boy Wonder spoke.

"Artemis Fowl, I have orders from Batman to watch you to make sure none of Gotham's villains attempt to harm you while you are visiting our city. However, I'm also told you have a bodyguard. Where is he?"

Artemis was severely confused by Robin's question, and was about to tell him that Butler was right behind him when he turned around and saw that Butler was, in fact, NOT right behind him.

It was then that another figure came from the shadows. Although Artemis did not the man, Robin seemed to. Or, Artemis guessed he did when the Boy Wonder stood in front of the older boy, and held what looked like a red boomerang in one hand.

"What do you want, Joker?"

So, Robin _definitely _knew this man. Apparently the man's name was Joker…

This was the same name as the psychopath his mother was so worried about. Absolutely wonderful.

The Joker, who, Artemis now noticed, had paper white skin, red eyes, and green hair, laughed before answering.

"Why, Bird Boy, shouldn't you be happy to see your Uncle Joker?"

Robin's gloved hand was moving towards a pocket at the back of is utility belt.

"You're not my uncle, Joker, and I'm trained to be cautious around _psychos_."

The Joker frowned slightly, and looked a bit more dangerous.

"I see Batsy taught you _his_ views. I'd be careful if I were you, _brat_. Thoughts like that can get you hurt."

Robin stiffened as he grabbed something on his belt.

"Is that a threat?"

The Joker laughed.

"Why, yes it is, Bird Boy!"

Suddenly, the Joker lunged at Robin, pinning him on the ground. As the Boy Wonder struggled under the older man's weight, the Joker grabbed a small black object out of the boy's hand. This was obviously the object Robin was trying to grab throughout the entire exchange. After studying the object for a moment, the Joker laughed loudly.

"A Bat-communicator? Did you think Bats could save you, Bird Boy?"

Suddenly, the communicator started vibrating.

"Ohhh…. An incoming message! We can tell dear Batsy how _naughty _the Boy Blunder has been for his Uncle Joker!"

When the Joker opened the object, a screen with the Dark Knight on it appeared.

As soon as he saw the Joker, the screen showed a very angry Dark Knight.

"Where is Robin, Joker?"

"Why, he's right here, Batsy! He's been naughty, though, so he can't talk to you right now. Arty Fowl is also here, but he looks a bit shocked, so he can't talk either. So it's just me!"

"I swear Joker, if you harm Robin OR Artemis Fowl in any way…"

"Oh, bad connection."

Suddenly, the Joker snapped the communicator closed and threw it into a drain on the street.

"Well, our ride should be here soon. We're going to my house! Doesn't that sound fun?"

Artemis, who was still too shocked to move, was not surprised in the least when a helicopter holding a large amount of goons showed up.

When the copter landed next to the Joker, he opened the door, and threw Robin roughly into a bird cage that he just barely fit into, and locked the door to the cage. He then grabbed Artemis, and strapped him into a seat next to a woman in a jest costume.

"You don't have to be in a cage, Arty, because you weren't naughty like Bird Boy. So, you get to sit next to Harley!"

When the helicopter took off, they quickly flew off.

But, Butler came out of the museum just in time to see his charge flying off in a copter with a mad man.

Needless to say, this did not make him happy.


	5. Chapter 5

**Wooh. Long. Looong. For me, at least...**

**I do not own Artemis Fowl or Batman.  
><strong>

Artemis was not quite sure what was going on.

Yes, he realized he and Robin had been kidnapped by Gotham's worst psychopath, and he realized he was strapped to a chair next to some woman in a jester costume.

What he didn't understand was what the Joker's motive was. Of course, kidnapping Robin was obviously planned. Why else would there be a bird cage big enough to fit a human being?

The madman had known Artemis's name, so he had most likely been planning to capture him as well.

But why? What did the Joker gain from kidnapping a young crime fighter and genius?

… Truthfully, there were some obvious conclusions that came to mind when he viewed it that way. But, obvious reasons were generally completely wrong.

Another thing was also bothering Artemis, besides the obvious. What was the relationship between Robin the Joker? They obviously knew each other, but how?

Perhaps they had fought often. Robin worked with this Batman crime fighter, and the Joker being a criminal, so this made sense…

Though, it was obvious that the Joker focused much more on Batman. Hmm.. _Partner_ indeed, Dick. Robin certainly seemed like a sidekick to Artemis.

Of course, this was beside the point. The current thing Artemis should be worrying about is the sinking suspicion he had of why the Joker had kidnapped him and the Boy Wonder.

It was then, when Artemis was on the brink of a breakthrough, that the Clown Prince of Crime himself started talking.

"Well, kiddies, you've been behaving rather well. Even you, Bird Boy. With all the fuss you gave getting in, I thought you would be much more troublesome than you are being."

The young hero in question, still trapped in a bird cage, was hunched over, his cape hiding his body, and his head was dipped downwards, hiding his face. When the Joker spoke, Robin looked up slightly, sending a fierce glare at the madman. The Joker laughed loudly at the young boy's expression.

"Awww… Is Bird Boy angry? Did Uncle Joker make the Boy Blunder mad?"

Robin scowled in response. The Joker snapped his fingers suddenly, as if he had thought of something.

"I know why you're so upset! You must miss Bats! Well, don't worry brat, he is going to come and try and save you. That's the only reason I snatched you and Arty here!"

Robin suddenly jumped up, not noticing his head bang on the top of the cage.

"You're just trying to kill Batman again, aren't you? Haven't you learned already that you just can't do it? He's beaten you so many times, why do you keep trying?"

The Joker stopped smiling at Robin's words. Now scowling, he got up from his seat and headed towards the bird cage currently holding Robin. After unlocking and opening the door, the Joker grabbed Robin b the front of the boy's costume. Pulling the young boy close to his face, the Joker spoke in a deadly quite voice.

"Listen here, _brat_. It's going to go down differently this time. This time, I have you and Arty. Bats won't do anything that might endanger your lives. If I'm lucky, he may even _let_ me kill him if I promise to let you two go! If that somehow happens, I may even let little Artemis go… You, on the other hand, are not going to be so lucky. Can't have a mini Bats running around, can I?"

`The Joker than threw Robin back into his cage, slamming the door and locking it. The Joker's smile returned suddenly when he turned to the slightly horrified Artemis. Not even _Opal_ had been as bad as this… madman.

"Sorry, Arty. As you can tell, Boy Blunder here is very naughty. Bats really should have taught him better. Well, I guess it is a bit late now…. Unless…. Arty, do you think _I_ should teach Bird Boy how to not be naughty?"

Not waiting for an answer from Artemis, the Joker strutted purposefully back to the cage. Robin, who now looked absolutely terrified, had his back pushed against the far wall of the cage. However, when the door to the cage was opened, the Joker was still able to reach the boy, despite his best efforts. The madman once again grabbed Robin by the front of his costume, and dragged the Boy Wonder to the front of the cage.

"Lesson number one; if you're naughty, you don't get your toys."

The Joker than proceeded to rip Robin's utility belt from the boy's waist.

"Lesson number two; no talking without permission."

Out of one of his suit's pocket, the Joker produced a roll of duct tape, and stuck a large piece over Robin's mouth.

"We'll continue with the next lesson once we get home."

After dropping Robin back on the floor of the cage and locking the door, he turned to Harley, who was conversing with one of the goons.

"Harley, dear, will you help Arty into the house when we get home? I'll take Bird Boy."

"Of course I will, puddin'. He seems like a little sweetie."

Artemis, having finally left his state of shock, spoke to the clown couple.

"So… You kidnapped me to bait Batman, so you can kill him and his sidekick?"

A muffled cry came from Robin's cage, which suspiciously like 'I'm not his sidekick!'.

This sounded exactly like the argument Dick had used just the night before.

How curious.

"You've nailed my plan, Artemis! …. Artemis… isn't that a girl's name?"

Artemis's eye visibly twitched.

"Ahh… I see that is a tough topic for you."

Suddenly, the helicopter landed on the roof of an abandoned toy factory. The Joker opened the door, smiling brightly. He turned back to Harley and the two teens after a moment.

"Home sweet home! Harley, grab Artemis, we need to get inside before we're spotted. I need to teach a few more lessons to the Bat Brat."

The Joker's red eyes lingered on Robin's mask for a moment before he continued speaking.

"The first being honesty."

As Artemis was carried out by a skipping Harley, he saw Robin's expression of pure fear as the Joker grabbed the boy from the bird cage.

Judging on what the Joker had just said, Artemis guessed that perhaps he was going to find out the identity of the illusive Robin after all.

As soon as the Joker had hung up the connection between the two communicators, Batman had gotten into the Batmobile and started following the signal sent out by Robin's communicator.

When he arrived at the location the signal was coming from, all he could find was a joker card with the words 'HAHAHA' written in red.

The Dark Knight prayed the words weren't written in blood. Because, truthfully, it would more likely be the blood of his young partner than that of Artemis Fowl.

Of course, he was worried about them both. But, the Joker had a grudge against Robin….

Just to be safe, he did a quick scan of the card. No blood, just Sharpie. So the Joker hadn't injured the teens so badly.

Yet. He hadn't injured them so badly yet.

So, for an unknown reason the Joker had kidnapped Artemis and Robin. This was, to put it simply, not good.

Since Batman was so busy trying to figure out the Joker's motive, he did not notice Butler come out of the shadows.

He _did_ notice when Butler's Sig Sauer was against his cowl.

"Who are you, and what do you know about the man who kidnapped Artemis?"

Meanwhile, deep underground, in the heart of Haven City, Foaly was still doing research for Artemis. When he couldn't find anything about Batman and Robin, he found it a personal challenge to find out more about them. Though, no matter how hard he tried, he could find _nothing_ that gave any hints to who they were.

This, of course, drove him insane.

Sighing, he went over to an article he found on the life of Bruce Wayne. Not quite as interesting, he really was not sure what was bothering Artemis….

It was then that Foaly saw the date that Wayne adopted Dick Grayson. Quickly checking something on his Batman research, he made an amazing discovery.

Robin started fighting with Batman a mere _two days _after Dick Grayson was adopted.

It was completely possible he was jumping to crazy conclusions. It could just be a coincidence.

But, just in case…

"Holly, call Artemis! I think I may have found who Batman is!"

When they arrived at the Joker's lair, the psychopath left Artemis, Harley, and the goons in one room, and took Robin into a separate room. After locking the door, he strapped the young boy into a chair.

A chair that looked suspiciously like an electric chair.

After he was sure Robin was secured, the Joker started speaking.

"Well, Bird Boy, you have some information I want. Now, you'll be a good little brat and tell me what I want to know."

Robin glared harshly at the Joker.

"And if I don't?"

The Joker's mood seemed to darken instantly.

"Well, then we'll have a cooked little birdy."

So, it _was_ an electric chair. Absolutely _wonderful_.

"What do you want?"

The Joker suddenly smiled, making Robin shiver.

"Well, it is not very hard to figure out, Bird Boy. And it is not too hard to answer… I just want to know… Who is Batman?"

"I'm not telling you."

The Joker scowled.

"Look, brat, I would prefer living bait for Bats, but that doesn't mean I'm opposed to frying you a bit. So, it would just be in your favor to tell me Batman's identity!"

"No."

Frustrated, the Joker pulled down the lever that sent thousands of volts of electricity into Robin's body.

Screams were forced out of the young hero's mouth as the energy coursed through his body, searing like fire underneath his flesh. Even though it was only a couple seconds in reality, the cruel torture that the psychotic clown put him through felt like hours to Robin.

When it was over, the Joker spoke again.

"Are you ready to talk now, Boy Blunder?"

Though his lungs felt like they could never be usable again they were so stunted with pain, and his throat was raw from screaming, Robin mustered enough breath to speak one word to the maniac.

"Never."

The previous look of glee caused by the boy's pain suddenly transformed into an expression of pure fury and hatred. With a fierce and deadly glare at Robin the Joker pulled the lever, again sending Robin into a world of pain.

In the room next door, Artemis, horrified, listened to the Boy Wonder's unearthly screams of unadulterated pain. Harley just hummed happily, as if a young boy was not being tortured on the other side of the locked door just a few mere feet from her.


	6. Chapter 6

**... I finished editing this chapter. Thus, there is a double update tonight.  
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**I do not own Artemis Fowl or Batman.**

That night, Artemis was put in a dark room by Harley. When she closed the door, he could just barely hear the quiet snick of the lock.

He was trapped in a room bathed in darkness, with no idea what time of day it was, or even exactly where he was.

_Absolutely lovely_.

After what seemed like hours, but could have been mere minutes for all Artemis knew, the door opened. After the shock of having light flood the room wore off, Artemis registered that at the door stood a very angry Joker. Mumbling ferociously under his breath, the madman threw what Artemis guessed was Robin into the room. The door was slammed shut only seconds after the Boy Wonder's body thumped onto the hard ground.

Artemis waited a few moments, expecting movement from the younger boy. Robin did not change positions at all, staying in a small heap on the ground, his cape hiding his body from view.

Eventually, Artemis decided they were just going to sit there in the dark if he didn't pluck up the courage to talk to the Boy Wonder. So, he whispered a few words to the younger boy.

"Robin?"

Okay, so one word. It would start a conversation, surely. Someone who wore a costume that bright had to be talkative.

Artemis started second-guessing this theory when the only answer he received from the young hero was a groan. Deciding not to give, Artemis spoke again in the hushed tone.

"What did he do to you?"

A moment later, Artemis's efforts finally brought progress in the form of a quiet voice answering his question.

"I… didn't tell him. I… won't tell him."

Robin's voice sounded forced, and full to the brim with pain. The Boy Wonder couldn't be more than 14 years old, yet the Joker had obviously tortured him in some way.

That maniac was a monster. Put in the bluntest term possible, he was a monster.

As Artemis was about to question the boy further, even though it was obvious speaking was painful for him, the boy genius's communicator started vibrating. It was then that it hit him.

He'd had a way to contact _fairies_ the whole time, and he didn't even remember until they contacted him. He was very much out of it.

"Holly, you have no idea how good it is to hear from you. I need your help."

To Artemis's surprise, the voice that answered was not Holly's, but Foaly's.

"Artemis I need to tell you… Wait, why do you need our help?"

"Would you believe that I and the mysterious Robin I asked you to research were kidnapped by a madman named the Joker, and that I am currently locked in a dark room with a presumably recently tortured Robin, who is not making any movements?"

"… If I had been talking to anybody but you, I wouldn't believe that story at all. Since this is you, though… How exactly did this happen?"

Artemis glanced quickly at where he believed the door was before answering in a hushed tone.

"I'm actually not completely sure. I think I might have gone into shock for a little while. I do know though that the Joker is using me and Robin as bait for the Batman."

"So… You're next to Robin?"

Artemis looked up at the lump in the darkness that he knew that was the inactive and unmoving boy wonder.

"Yes, why?"

"Can I talk to him? He may understand the situation better than you currently do."

"Foaly- I couldn't even get him to tell me what the Joker did to him! I really doubt that you can converse with you!"

"…Do you know what the Joker did to him?"

"I have absolutely no idea. All I know is that he is not in good shape, and I heard screaming earlier."

Before Foaly had a chance to respond, Artemis heard footsteps by the door. He just had time to hang up and slip the communicator into his suit pocket before the door opened, light again spilling in. The Joker, looking just as angry as he had earlier, stomped in and grabbed Robin by the front of his brightly colored costume.

"I heard talking. Are you trying to escape, Bird Boy? I'll have to punish you again if you're trying to run away."

Robin, who was barely conscious, looked like he was trying to speak, possibly to defend himself.

Or he was planning to the stupidly noble thing of saying he was planning on escaping to protect Artemis from the madman's wrath.

As it turned out, the Joker didn't even wait for an answer from the Boy Wonder. Instead, the madman picked up Robin, and left the room, closing and locking the door behind him.

Artemis guessed that it did not take much for the Joker to want to torture the younger boy. This thought was practically proved when minutes later the screaming of Robin could easily be heard from the dark room, along with insane laughter from the Joker.

While Artemis knew he should have realized this earlier, it was truly then that he realized just how awful a situation he was in.

Curse shock, clouding his judgment...

After Batman found himself staring at the barrel of a gun, he decided that it would be a good idea to just attempt to converse with the bodyguard. There was truly no need to fight if you are really on the same side.

"I'm Batman, and I'll answer any questions you have about that man if you remove your gun from my head."

After Butler thought about it for a moment, he removed his gun from the Dark Knight's temple. The Dark Knight started talking almost instantly.

" Your charge was kidnapped by a madman who calls himself the Joker. Unfortunately, along with Master Fowl, he also kidnapped my young partner, Robin."

"Why would he capture your partner?"

"…Why he would capture your charge is a much bigger question here."

"Artemis is rich boy genius. It is not that hard to figure out why some maniac would want Artemis."

"…You may have a point. Why the Joker would want Robin… Well, the Joker finds me a huge enemy because I often foil his plots. He most likely captured Robin to get to me. Your charge has currently done nothing to give the Joker a reason to hurt him, but we should still hurry. The Joker really rarely needs a reason to cause pain and suffering. Especially since he has Robin, since…"

Butler raised his eyebrows slightly before finishing the Dark Knight's sentence.

"If we want to find him alive, we'll definitely have to hurry. By the way, why do you keep saying 'we'?"

"I'm used to talking to Robin… Of course, if you truly wish to help me rescue them, I can't stop you."

"I'm helping. Artemis is my responsibility."

"Fine. I hope you realize what you are getting into. The Joker is a hardcore killer. He kills, literally, for _fun_. We may locate him, but be too late to save Robin or Artemis. Or, when we get there, the Joker may kill them in front of us, laughing the whole time. Just… be prepared for the worse."

The Dark Knight swept towards his car after finishing his sentence, leaving Butler to ponder the current situation.

After sometime, Robin was thrown back into the dark room. Artemis decided, even though his better judgment said it would be fruitless, to question the Boy Wonder again.

"What did he do to you?"

Robin surprisingly answered after a moment in a cracked voice.

"He's trying to break my hope, because it is annoying him. But he'll lose. He always loses. We'll be saved. Batman will save us."

That confident tone, as if convinced that in what he was saying, and nothing could change his mind. Artemis had only heard it once before. It could have only been a day before…

It was then it struck Artemis. The denial of Robin being a sidekick. The determination in the capability of Batman. The defending of Robin. The _Robin-themed room_.

Robin could only be one person. Artemis couldn't believe he hadn't seen it before.

"Dick? Is that you?"

A moment of silence occurred before Robin answered in a shaky voice.

"Dick? I- I don't know who you're talking about. I'm _Robin. _Not some dude named Dick…"

Another moment of silence…

"Okay, you got me. But could you be a bit quieter? I didn't withstand electrocution just for him to find out my secret identity because you couldn't keep your mouth shut."

Artemis, rather than listen to him about being quiet, exclaimed upon the boy's words.

"The Joker _electrocuted _you?"

"Yeah. It is bad, but it'll get way worse when he gets annoyed enough at me to pull out a knife…"

"Don't you mean _if_ he pulls a knife out?"

"No. I mean when."

"…Well, you certainly think positively for a costume so bright. I'm sure you're just being realistic…"

"Bingo."

They both fell silent when footsteps were heard outside the door. After the rhythmic patter of feet faded in the distance, they tried to get some sleep.

Artemis woke what seemed like minutes later, but could have been hours for all he knew, to the sound of Dick screaming.

It sounded different from before, though. Now the screams were shorter, more detached…

It seemed the Boy Wonder had guessed correctly, and the Joker had gotten irritated enough to pull out a knife.

Hopefully the boy would also be right about Batman winning. Because they were all doomed if he wasn't.

"Welcome to the Batcave."

Batman, being rather desperate, had brought Butler to the Batcave. It had taken ages to convince the bodyguard to wear a blindfold so the location wouldn't be compromised, but the large man had been convinced when Batman pointed out they were just wasting time.

That had gotten the blindfold on Butler quick enough.

So, that was how the two highly-trained men ended up in the Batcave. Butler was actually quite impressed by it, and decided that Foaly would love the place. The owner of the dark cave itself was heading over to the large computer covering an entire area of the wall when the screen crackled to life. Butler assumed this was on purpose until he saw the confused expression on the Dark Knight's face.

He decided it definitely wasn't on purpose when the display showed a man with bleach white skin, bright green hair, red eyes, and a large, blood red grin. Standing next to the man was a young woman in a red and black costume, white face paint, and a domino mask.

Now completely confused about what was going on, he turned to Batman. The Dark Knight looked furious, and Butler found out why in mere moments.

"Joker! What have you done with Robin….and Artemis?"

Butler found out two things from the hero's statement. The first thing he learned was that the man on the screen was in fact the infamous Joker that had kidnapped Artemis. The second thing that Butler learned was that Batman was obviously focusing much more on his missing partner than Artemis. He was slightly miffed at this for a moment.

It only took a few seconds after the Joker spoke his next words for Butler to realize the reason for Batman's concern and focus.

"Well, Batsy, dear Arty is just fine. Your little brat Bird Boy, though, didn't seem to enjoy playing with me. I don't get _why_ he didn't like it, though… I thought it was great fun."

The man and his female assistant step to the side to show a young boy in the background. His pitch black hair was flopped on the hard cement floor, where he had been carelessly dropped. His body was covered with cuts, obviously knife wounds. The oddly colorful costume was stained with deep crimson blood leaking out of the child. The boy was very small, though he looked very strong. This oddly small body, though, was racked with violent compulsions every few seconds. Butler realized after staring at the obviously tortured boy for about fifty seconds that he must have been the kidnapped Robin.

This theory had been confirmed when he glanced over at Batman.

The Dark Knight looked beyond fury. Though he wore a cowl, he still managed to emit the purest of all hatred onto the clown now grinning at the silent hero. It was not the anger of a partner when his pair was injured.

It was with the fury of a concerned father that the Dark Knight glared at the Joker.

The madman seemed to be drinking in the hatred, his grin widening.

"Well, Batsy, you don't look very happy."

Batman growled out his next sentence.

"What did you do to him?"

The Joker appeared to think about the question for a moment before answering.

"Well, first we played a little with some gadgets, than we played with a knife!"

Batman's glare became stronger. This just caused the Joker to laugh loudly.

"Oh, and Batsy? By playing with gadgets, I meant I electrified him! He didn't seem to like it. Not at all…. So I tried to cheer him up with knives! They always cheer me up! But somehow, that didn't work either. I just don't get it… Do you, Harley?"

"No way, Mr. J. It makes no sense!"

Batman jumped up suddenly.

"When I get there, Joker, you will regret every volt of electricity you sent into Robin's body, every single knife stroke, so much, that you will be absolutely _begging_ to go back to Arkham, and will _never_ want to leave again!"

The Joker started laughing harder.

"You go ahead and try to believe that, Batsy, if it makes you feel better about your failure. You make-believing won't make the Boy Blunder here feel any better, though, you winged rat. Run here, Batsy. Run as fast as you can. I'm not sure how much more _playing_ your precious little brat can take."

The connection was suddenly broken, and Batman, in an angry rage, went to work seconds later. A mere moment later, he stood.

"I tracked the Joker's signal. He's hiding Robin and Artemis in an abandoned toy factory on the other side of Gotham. There is no time to lose."

He then raced to the Batmobile, leaving a slightly confused Butler following slowly after him.


	7. Chapter 7

**A bit of a shorter chapter...**

**I do not own Artemis Fowl or Batman.  
><strong>

Mud splattered as heavy wheels nearly soared through deep puddles of the substance. The Batmobile raced through the city streets with a purpose, leaving behind multitudes of mud-covered fire hydrants and street lights.

As well as a very annoyed Detective Harvey Bullock.

"Stupid Bat..." the over-weight police officer muttered before getting into his car to dry off and continue grumbling.

Inside the far superior vehicle, Batman was fuming. Not only had he had to take the bodyguard sitting next to him into the cave, and he had to deal with the Joker (which was never fun), but the heartless madman had kidnapped and tortured Robin.

Robin was his son, and _no one_ hurt his son.

The Dark Knight's fist tightened around the steering wheel as his memory floated back to the message from the Joker. Seeing Robin, Dick, his beloved son, so injured, so broken, so in pain... Well, the Joker would be lucky to get out without a body cast tonight.

Batman sped the Batmobile up suddenly, going through what could possibly go wrong in his head. The one thing that he could not stop coming back to was the thought that they could be too late, that when they got there Robin-and Artemis as well, of course- would already be lost.

That the sparkling, happy blue eyes would dull because of the darkness imposed on them by a pure monster... That one of his only lights would be darkened forever, all joy sucked out, leaving only a lifeless husk...

The Dark Knight's morbid thoughts were suddenly interrupted by Butler.

"Are we almost there?"

The larger man seemed almost as worried about Artemis as the hero was about Robin. Obviously, there was more of a bond between the two than just employee and employer.

"We are only a block from the factory. Once there, we have to stay quiet so we do not tip off our presence to the Joker or Quinn."

The bodyguard nodded in understanding, and was silent once again. Neither spoke for the rest of the way to the lair of the Joker. Upon arrival, Batman quickly, yet silently, jumped out of the vehicle and into the shadows. Butler soon followed suit, soon standing behind his heroic companion.

They silently crept through the building, until a large, brightly lit empty space was found. While Butler started to move around the edges of it, seeing a door at the back wall that could possibly lead to Artemis, the Dark Knight had gone dead still. Butler looked back at him, slightly confused, until his eyes followed where the hero's gaze rested.

"Oh..." the bodyguard whispered slightly.

The body of a small boy was tied up by a rope hanging from the ceiling. The head of the boy rested on his heaving chest, blood-soaked raven locks covering most of his face.

However, his costume told Butler exactly who the boy was.

"Robin..." the usually fierce hero whispered in what sounded almost like... fear.

As Batman started to move towards his partner, Butler considered just letting him go. However, he quickly realized that he would have trouble finding Artemis without the hero, so his hand shot out to stop Batman from moving forward.

"He'll be fine, we need to go find Artemis."

As the Dark Knight's face turned towards Butler, the pure anger present on the hero's face managed to even somewhat frighten him.

"I do not know what your definition of 'fine' is, but Robin's condition is not 'fine' in the least. If I leave him now, it is even possible for him to simply bleed to death. You can go on to find Artemis, I'm going to help my partner."

The black cape billowed behind Batman as he rushed to his partner- _son's_ side. Shaking his head slightly, Butler hesitantly walked through the door. He would just have to find Artemis by himself.

When Batman made to Robin's side, he quickly cut the ropes binding the boy. As his partner fell into his arms, a small, hurt noise came from the small child.

"B-Batman?"

Relieved to see that Robin could still talk, and thus was still able to fight for his life, even against falling into a darkness that he could never leave again, Batman quickly answered.

"I'm right here, Robin. You don't have to be afraid anymore."

A small smile played on the younger hero's lips.

"I didn't tell him, Batman... He tried to make me tell him, but I was stronger..."

Suddenly, Robin started coughing violently, blood staining his green tights. Batman looked panicked for a moment, until the coughing stopped and the boy started to catch his breath.

"Of course you were stronger, you are so brave, Robin. You dealt with this brilliantly..."

He was interrupted by another coughing fit.

"Hold on, Robin. You can make it through this..."

Clutching his son to his chest, the Dark Knight stood, hiding the boy with his cape.

"We just need to get you back to the Batmobile, then you'll be okay.. Everything will be okay.."

It was then, with Batman holding his young partner, in his weakest moment, that a cruel, taunting voice spoke.

"Why do you lie so much, Batsy? We both know getting out of here won't be that easy."

As the body next to Batman's stiffened in fear of the voice, Batman's blood boiled in anger. Standing in the only doorway that lead directly out was the Joker, a pistol in his hand.

More coughs could be heard from under the cape. Robin was running out of time, and pure evil stood in front of the only way to safety.

It was in times like this that Batman wished sometimes, situations would actually be easy to deal with.


	8. Chapter 8

**... This chapter... is weird...**

**I do not own Artemis Fowl or Batman.  
><strong>

Darkness consumed Artemis.  
>For what seemed like an endless time, that had been all he had seen. The only sounds he heard was occasional screaming, insane laughter, and eerie singing from right outside the door.<br>The boy genius was sure that if he had to spend much more time in the room, he would go insane.  
>That is, if he was not yet insane. He couldn't even tell what was real or fake in the room anymore. There was no light to say either way. The floating smile right in front of him could easily actually be there; what was there to prove otherwise? The grin floated around his head, words taunting him in the voice of the psychotic that held him there.<br>"Little Arty can't get out. Little Arty can't get out. Little Arty can't get out."  
>Over and over again, the words repeated. Artemis's crystal blue eyes (well... one of them was merely a contact, but that was of no importance) followed the grin with dread.<br>Then they were suddenly everywhere. Hundreds, maybe thousands of wide, wicked smiles. All repeating the same words, over and over again.  
>"Little Arty can't get out. Little Arty can't get out. Little Arty can't get out."<br>He tried to cover his ears to block out the words, but they somehow managed to leak through, wrapping around his mind and draining all hope.  
>Just as he started to give up, the words changed.<br>"Why so serious, Arty? Why so serious? Why so serious? Why so serious?"  
>Why was he so upset about everything? Insanity couldn't be that bad... Why was he so serious?<br>Before Artemis even fully understood what he was thinking, laughter started to force itself out of his mouth. It did not sound like his normal quite, intelligent chuckles; instead, it was insane giggles and full out psychotic laughter.  
>When the genius attempted to stop the laughter, he realized he couldn't. He could physically feel his mind slipping into insanity that was as strong as the substance found in the forced laughter.<br>It was in this state that Butler found his charge when he slammed the door open, a bound and gagged Harley Quinn laying behind him. At first, the man stood in the doorway, soaking in the sight of his charge on the ground, giggling crazily, but pure fear easily seen in the boy's eyes.  
>"B-Butl-HAHAHAHA!" Artemis attempted to call out to his old friend, but the laughter interrupted his words.<br>Butler may have had no idea what was going on with Artemis. All he knew was that the boy was in danger, and that it was his job to save him.  
>Scooping up the laughing form of his charge, the bodyguard ran from the room. Right outside the door, Harley had managed to get her gag off, yelling after Butler just loud enough for him to hear.<br>"Mr J. will stop you, hear that you big bully! He'll put you in your place, just like what he'll do for Batsy!"  
>Butler choose to ignore the villainess, instead focusing running until the high-pitched voice was faded in the distance.<br>Meanwhile, much nearer to the exit that Butler was running towards, Batman faced a huge dilemma.  
>That was truly the only way to accurately describe him holding the dying body of his son firmly to his chest while the only way to safety was blocked by the monster that put the boy in this position. That is, the only way to describe without at least ten swears.<br>"You know what, Bats? I think I win! Your little birdy will be dead in minutes, and there is nothing to stop me from killing you here... Except that would end the game..."  
>The clown stopped to think about his own words, before grinning wickedly.<br>"Well, it will back to only us playing again soon, won't it Bats?"  
>The Dark Knight ignored the maniac's words, already predicting what they were going to be about. The Joker saw life as only a game. A game that the psychotic enjoyed ending for many.<br>Instead of listening, Bruce felt the heartbeat of the boy he was clutching rapidly slow. Robin- Dick- was running out of time.  
>"Move out of the way, Joker. I will not hesitate to disable you if you don't."<br>The only response was laughter.  
>"Ohhh, threats now. You sound almost like you'd actually go through with them!"<br>The clown burst into laughter.  
>"Like that would ever happen!"<br>Looking down, Bruce saw sweat coating Dick's face. He also couldn't help but notice the boy's ragged breathing, rattling his chest. Every few seconds, Robin coughed, causing more stains on his costume.  
>Looking at Dick's arms, Bruce felt his stomach churn. Blood coated his son's arms like a second skin.<br>Dick had to return to the cave right away, or he wasn't going to make it.  
>"Joker, I am not bluffing. MOVE!"<br>A cruel, wicked grin spread across the clown's features.  
>"I will- once I know your little bird is lost forever!"<br>There was no way to keep Robin from slipping away and get the Joker to move. There was far to little time.  
>"Hold on, my son." he whispered, holding back the tears. This could not be happening. He had almost lost Dick once, but he had managed to save him then. Why couldn't he stop the Joker like he had with Two-Face?<br>Simple. Because the Joker would never be easy to defeat. The monster would always be there, laughing, taunting him.  
>Hope had almost completely left Bruce when a crash could be heard behind them.<br>Turning, Batman saw Butler crashing through the door on the opposite side of the room, breathing heavily.  
>Slung across the bodyguard's back was Artemis, laughing hysterically.<br>Dick was nearly dead, and Artemis was exposed to laughing gas. This was absolutely brilliant.  
>The Joker started laughing more when he saw the young genius. This was a bit of a mistake on his part, as it only brought Butler's attention to him. Or, more specifically, how he was blocking the only exit.<br>The clown was on the ground unconscious in seconds.  
>Sighing in relief, Bruce ran through the door towards the Batmobile, desperately clutching his bleeding son to his chest, not caring that the deep crimson liquid was staining his costume. Butler followed the hero, trying to keep his hold on the shaking Artemis.<br>As they both jumped into the car and carefully put their cargo in the back seats, the giant of a man turned towards Bruce.  
>"How do I stop him from laughing?!"<br>Without even thinking, Batman grabbed the antidote for the laughing gas from his belt, throwing it at the bodyguard. Seconds later, the laughing resonating throughout the vehicle stopped slowly.  
>Now that one of the two problems were solved, the car raced through the streets of Gotham.<br>There was no way Bruce was going to lose Dick to that homicidal maniac. His son deserved a peaceful death, when he was old enough to tell stories to his grandchildren about his adventures of his youth.  
>Dick was going to live through this night. Bruce was going to make sure of that.<p> 


End file.
